Finished!

In this post I just want to say one thing..... GOODBYE HIGH SCHOOL!!!!!!! I finished my high school last night at 10:30 pm! (more exciting posts to follow when I have time :) but I was just busting to share the news!

~Rachel

My little Friend :)

Today, as I was waiting to start work... I decided to take a little walk. On that walk, I passed a pet shop.

Well, at the end of my shift, I was standing in the aisle of the pet shop. I told my dad, "Now I know what a perent feels like... I just want to buy all these things for my little baby." I have a panda hamster... my new friend... and, well, here's the name... Thesaurus, with the nick name of Theo. He's black and white... and ADORABLE!

Pictures soon to follow!

Standing in the doorway

Feelings abound. How many times through the last few weeks I have wished that I wouldn’t feel anything. Wouldn’t feel the hurt. Wouldn’t feel the sadness. Wouldn’t feel.

I have even thought that feeling nothing at all would be better than feeling what I’m feeling. I’d gladly give up the feelings of happiness and contentment, if during the hard times I didn’t have to feel the pain.

Collapsing into my shell would be my choice. Shutting the door and never opening it again. Opening eventually results in pain. Recoiling is my first choice. Pulling my hand back from the hot burner. And, isn’t pain a tool used to teach us? Teach us what not to do?

But what happens after you recoil, locking the door and rolling the key under the door… so you can't ever open it again? What happens when someone else finds that key? The key to your heart. Your stone, cold heart. They unlock the door… and, opening it, expose you to the light on the other side. Show you your darkness…. But, then, without condemning your position, they reach their hand out. To you.

But you don’t. You don’t move. You don’t reach out. You just sit there. Not wanting to again be hurt. Not wanting to need again. Not wanting to love again. Not wanting to feel again.

But, what do you do? What would you do? What did you do?

What you did changed your life. What you do is going to change your life. What you would do will happen. Eventually.

Will you stay in the shadows, unwilling to take the hand before you? Or will you again trust, even with the remembrance of what happened before?

Will you take a step toward that hand? Or do you lash at that hand, cowering behind the past?

No one should be on the inside of the door in every relationship. Because there is a Perfect One. One who never lets down. One who never changes. One who never makes mistakes. One who never leaves. One who never forsakes. One who never rejects.

Even if someone hides from everyone else, they MUST allow the Lord to comfort them. He is the TRUE Comforter. If we have Christ… we need nothing else. We don’t need to let anyone else in as long as we have Him.

And, yes, after trusting Christ to heal the pain, we slowly begin to trust others…

 How this truth has comforted in a personal way...

For those who are on the other side… holding out your hand to someone in desperate need of a solace, you have to be willing to accept them where they are. Just how deeply they have been hurt only changes just how much you have to love them.

Pass me not, O gentle savior. Hear my humble cry.

While on others thou art calling do not pass me by.

Savior, Savior. Hear my humble cry.

While on others thou are calling do not pass me by.

Let me at the throne of mercy find a sweet relief.

Kneeling there in deep contrition, help my unbelief.

Thou the spring of all my comfort more than life to me

Whom have I on earth beside thee? Whom in heaven but thee?

5+6= in need of good weather

"Life must go on."
"I don't know that it MUST, but it does."

Life here has gone on... and on... and... on!

Babysitting six other kids on top of the five that already exist in our home... well... I sure can count to eleven quite well!

Mom has organized everyone into teams. Team A is the youngest 5 with me leading :) And team B is pretty self sufficient. The one qurestion I get alot is, "Why can't we do what Team B is?" Or "Team B got to!"

Everything is done with time and quantity in mind. Lunch... hot dogs (we bought 2 packages of 24) and well... it went great. I think the record for hot dogs was J. with 5 of them eaten. :) Needless to say, he didnt eat much for dinner. Dinner consisted of chicken strips and fries. Again... quick and easy to cook in quantity!

Trips to the park are second nature. I think yesterday we were there five times.... one time for more than three hours. Taking 8 of the 11 with me alone to the park was QUITE an adventure. Deciding to try a new park turned out to be QUITE a major decision! Crossing at least three majorly busy roads... well, I've never seen so many people staring as we crossed :)

Bath time was, well, rather wet. Tonight shall be intersting.... everyone needs a bath for tomorrow :) And tomorrow should be rather interesting.

~Me

Curl up and Cry

Have you ever lost all ambition? All drive?

Have you ever wanted to curl up in a corner and do nothing but cry?

Get up, and muddle through your day. Do what you have to do.

And curl up and cry when you can.

Eventually… well, I can't see eventually. All I see is now.

But…

The pain now is part of the happiness then.

When my way seems dark and drear and the future I don’t know,
My heart feels so empty as the tears unending flow.
When my heart breaks with sorrow and a tempest fills my soul,
This one thing I know for sure: my God is in control.

Chorus
His way is perfect, His way is perfect.
Though I don’t understand His wise and loving plan,
His way is perfect. His way is perfect.
Take my life and make a vessel purified.
God makes no mistakes, His way is best.

When the toils of life are come and my heart is worn with care,
I faint ‘neath the burden of a cross I cannot bear.
When the joy has departed from my sorrow stricken soul,
This one thing I know for sure: my God is in control.

Chorus
His way is perfect, His way is perfect.
Though I don’t understand His wise and loving plan,
His way is perfect. His way is perfect.
Take my life and make a vessel purified.
God makes no mistakes, His way is best. 
~Kistler

Toddlers, Dresses, Flips, and Face-plants

Because I work with my dad now, I leave three times a week between 5:30 and 6 am. It’s nice to have some extra money, and I have some extra time to work before I start my shift.

But I’m missed. Yesterday, I came home, and Anna was sitting on the couch reading a book. When she saw me, the smile that illuminated her face melted my heart! She proceeded to tell me about two of her greatest joys that day: her dress that zips (any dress is a joy for Anna J) and her flips on the trampoline. I didn’t think much about it when she ran to me and laid on my shoulder for a few minutes, just snuggling. (my joy of the day J)

Then I thought it would be nice to take her out on the trampoline, just to spend some time with her. So, we bundled up (after she went and changed her dress for culottes. She didn’t want to rip her dress) and went outside. She jumped for a while before she exclaimed, “Rachel, watch me do my flips!”

At first, I was nervous, hoping she didn’t flip right off the side of the trampoline. Until I saw what she was talking about.

She jumped about ten times in the air. Then, to my horror, she threw her arms in the air, turned her body to the trampoline, and fell. Nose first into the trampoline. Face first. Onto her stomach.

She laid there for a few seconds, and I got nervous. Just when I was going to say something, she made a sound. Giggling. Laughing. She looked up at me with the biggest grin on her face. Then she said in the most angelic voice, “Did you see me flip? I’m really good at that too!”

Then, she did the same thing again. And again. And again.

We gotta love ‘em!

~Rachel

How easy it is to rest and believe during the easy times! Every truth is exactly that – truth. You accept it for what it is. You blog about it. You talk about it. It is reality. It is right. It is truth.

Until…

Trials come that test truth.

Until…

Your heart is breaking.

Until…

Sorrow is eating away at your soul.

Until…

You don’t think you can go on.

Until…

The truth becomes reality.

What do you do when your whole being is pushing against what you’ve been taught? What do you do when truth requires you to do exactly what you know you can't?

The immediate reply, “Just do it. Trust the Lord.”

But, that’s from the outside of the situation.

The inside isn’t so easy. I mean, it is… but it isn’t.

Our mind may know.

Our will may be to do what is right.

But our emotions don’t. Every time you think about the decision, you get a knot in your stomach. Tears drip from your eyes constantly. Smiling seems like jumping across the Grand Canyon.

Ladies hear this all the time. Don’t let your emotions rule you! Don’t depend on your emotions. But, again, that’s easy to say… much harder to do.

So, what do we do? We decide, “I’ll just not think about it.”

In fact, just a few days ago, I told someone, “I’m just trying to keep it from my mind.”

But are we ever commanded to ignore the problems? Ignore the hard part of life?

Are we ever told to focus on the problems? To become consumed with our trial?

No.

The solution: ….

I can’t claim to have the answers. I don’t.

Focus on the Lord. What a Great God our God is! He cares for us. He loves us. He’s all-knowing. He’s just. He’s our hiding place. Our Hightower. Our Refuge in time of trouble.

Focus on Him, and the rest of life grows dim. Not goes away. Not escalates. We see our struggles in perspective.

He is the fountain for a thirsty soul.

He is the healer and so much more.

When my heart is broken by this world’s demands,

The pieces are mended with one scarred hand

It’s a hand that holds this whole world in place.

Oh, a hand that was scarred just to give me grace.

And to think of the hand that holds the stars

Is small enough to mend one broken heart.

And when I can't stand, I have to lean.

And when I can't see, I have to believe.

The Great Physicians touch is a bond that can

Mend broken hearts with one scarred hand.

 ~Kyla Rowland